是的，一年一度的圣诞节说了hello又说bye bye了。

今年平安夜与众不同，因为居銮11所教会献力，联合社会服务中心和居銮人一起欢度那一晚。

很多档口啊，食物啊，表演啊等等。当天的步操虽不属大型可是排列工整，非常有纪律和抖擞。

我的最爱，还是当晚的音乐剧。短短几分钟的舞蹈叙述了容易明白的道理，带出了耶稣基督如何带领他的子民走出世俗各种不同的不得上帝喜悦的行为。 舞蹈者们都像我一样厉害，跳到很像随时会跟AirAsia一样起飞。其中一幕描述了酗酒的环节，突然我愣了一下， 心想：“欸，干嘛把我的人生搬上舞台嘞。” 还觉得蛮惭愧的。过后把手中的酒瓶推给妈妈，就不管我的事了。

我们没有等到倒数就走了。我老人家负荷不了太多林林总总的灯光。而且也不好意思让中华路的炒粿条等我们。

今年的圣诞庆祝多了一份动感，少了一份感动。我没说是件坏事，因为这都是很subjective的东西，就看个人如何去归纳它的性质了。

我只能说，今年的圣诞非同凡响，很有意义。

恭喜啦，居銮人。赚到。

高跟鞋奶奶讲故子

又被炸到了吧？哈哈，恭喜啦。赚到。

最近我感觉到老年的到来了。

以往与现在的差别，老年只是我在精神上一种生活形态。而在现阶段，我的身体已经慢慢自我摧残。种种的象征。

现在只要轻轻一跳舞，下蹲二十几次就开始晕眩。手指再也不象以前那么灵活。身上和脸上的老人斑逐月增加。牙齿开始不能接受冰冷与过甜的食物。

后悔了。

早知道，心态就维持年轻一点嘛。虽然动作和语言上，本人还是很幼稚。那只是表面而已。谁知道我们这些做小丑背后的辛酸？　看看Ｏｏｉ　Ｌｅｎｇ　那张鬼脸，你就知道我们的日子一点都不好过。孩，不管怎样我们都是靠‘梗’来生活的。

可是我现在，没梗了。反应超级迟钝。耳朵不灵光，说话也一卡一卡。
之前看了一部电影，又让我陷于极限思考的范围里。故事情节叙述到一名导演，为了能和心爱的亲戚朋友永远在一起，他在他的豪宅里置放了许多棺材，希望死后大家仍能在一起。

２０４７　年了，大家一个个逝世了，只剩下孤独老人一个。他，听到了回家的呼唤，黯然掀开属于他的棺木，躺下去，等着死亡的到来。

我好像看到了我的未来。我本来就不喜欢声音和人群。可是为了ｓｏｃｉａｌ，不得不这样做。　更别说找个知心伴侣一起度过。我是一个没有爱情的冷血人。可是一想到这种场景，我不可以孤独的过下辈子啊！　没有儿女来怀念我，没有朋友会记得我。身体只是等着腐化的肉。周围的人也会把我的屋子当成是鬼屋，可能说成是：“这间鬼屋，据说生前是一位性格古怪的独居老人住的地方。夜间还听到他在练钢琴和唱古典声乐。。。”

我不惊讶。人类就是这样，喜欢搞些有的没的。真希望改次有机会的话，我就一一把他们给吓死！
　
我曾说过，死亡不是很恐怖，孤度的死亡才是。看了这部电影，才让我想起，要不要找个伴侣度过这辈子。

看来我需要买个机械人回来了。

The last post was on my most wonderful train ride from Kampar back to Kluang ever. I try not to believe the ancient phrase of 'When you gain something, you lose something." But I was forced to succumbed to the horrendous reality.

First, the automated door became 'un'-automated. Even when the button is pressed, the door closed like as if it weights heavier than a bull. All the passengers protruded their heads out in the hope of increasing the speed. It worked for the first 3 times. The door eventually got stuck in the middle. Thank goodness my 20"-20"-20" can still squeeze through.

That's not all. Besides the terrifying puppet-like yellow hair lady who sat beside me, and also another lady who kept exercising her legs and fingers on the walking path who sat right beside the yellow hair lady, I have forgotten to bring along my laptop charger, So I couldn't use it to watch dramas I downloaded!

Worse still, the air-con died. It was so warm till I was infuriated to exterminate its corpse. The train was delayed by more than an hour by the time we reached Kay-Elle Central. The track is in the tunnel. And the tunnel is dark. The cabin was dark and stuffy. We waited for another hour for technician to fix the problem.

While waiting in the cabin, many of them got down to the station. But I chose to remain on my seat. And this was when and where the poem is born.

Firestorm in the Tunnel

Halted in the tunnel
quietness whistled
to the echoes of silence
Air brushes through
but at the speed of sleepwalking

Heat possessed the cabin
hypnotised us with spirits of fake serenity
Fresh air they gasped for
as freedom they seek away from the invasion
and also the bondage of heat
cannot be found
here

But I battled its wrath
the wish of my body I granted
for a stoic transformation I promised
to use as the perfect shield
from the firestorm that was never ignited.

(c) 2009 The Diamond-drops Warehouse

又是星期二
舅舅不在家
婆婆和姑姑也上课去了
爸爸
我走了

你要去哪里？

我要回到我的家

这里不就是你的家？

爸爸给你吃
给你住
陪你玩
陪你睡
为什么要走？

爸爸
我追求的世界
不是你能给我的
你能给我自由吗？

我们家的门缝不是一直都开着吗？

可是这里不是我的家啊！

。。。。。。

爸爸对不起。。。

没关系。


我已经长大了
谢谢你对我的照顾
我的命运就是一只流浪猫
这个事实是无法改变的

你别这样

我知道你在生我的气
我答应你
当你咬我手指时
我不再掌你嘴
不再对你动粗

这不是你的错
我只是跟爸爸玩玩
没想到竟然伤害到爸爸
我是危险的动物
不应该留在你的身边

奈按呐。。。

当你们每个人都各自锁在自己的房间
我一只猫无所事事在家里闲逛
不知要做什么是好

我会用多一点时间来陪你！

不必了
爸爸
你要努力读书
忘记我吧

不！

我走了。
不和你道别了。
爸爸，姑姑，婆婆和舅舅要加油
以后离开金宝也要努力 知道吗？
不管我流浪在哪里
我都会祝福你们


谢谢你
奈按呐
去找寻你要的世界吧
当你在外受到伤害
记得要回来！
我们家的门缝 永远为你而开
知道吗？

爸爸
我会独立的
我
应该不会再回来了

奈按呐。。。

Since Naan-neh came into our family, we have been lepak-ing, often returned at late night. After her second night with us, we found out she was missing by the time we can back from Ipoh.

I was expecting her to welcome us from the slightly opened glass door but she didn't. Dalamrumah pun tak nampak bayang dia. I panicked, searched high and low (around 0.5cm to 6 feet) for her till I almost nangis thinking he might already kong ka kiao under kereta.

Then I heard the noise coming from the loudspeaker family. The high-frequency voice of a girl shouting: "It's coming in!" I peeped across the street but saw nothing.

Later I told CC about it. We both went over. Without hesitation, CC immediately ran into the house even though there was a guy was about to getting on his bike. It was Naan-neh. We didn't even talk to the people. I just carried him all the way back to his home. To where he belongs.

The punishment began. CC warned Naan-neh not to simply enter stranger's house and gave her few tight slaps. She was still very 粘 CC but unwilling to come to me. He knew I was upset because of him. CC was asking me to carry and caress him but I refused. My emotion was all mixed up at that moment. I patted on his head and went up.

Naan-neh also ran up. We went back to our rooms respectively but she was sitting right in front of CC's room. I got out from the room and saw it there. CC came out too. Then he started meowing repeatedly. I assumed he was singing "I'm~sorry~" tune in a lyric called "Meow". I felt sorry for him but then, who feels sorry for me?

I knew I can't rear pets because I can be too emotionally-attached to them. Secondly, my desire to own a pet, or even a person is very strong. What's mine is mine, and will be mine alone. Sometimes when it comes to kids, I think I behave a little psycho too. When they were small, they were my darlings. But as they get older, they do not come to me anymore. Maybe it is because of this mentality I don't like young people (one of the reasons I supposed).

And I don't get why young people must always sit together in a cluster, instead of sitting with family. If my kids do that in future, I will give them few slaps and chain them to my arm, or maybe drip a few drops of wax to wax their feet.

I am such a psycho. Too bad, that's who Mord'Sith Elween is.

Update: Today, Naan-neh ran away for the second time. I doubt she will find her way back home (It's a she, actually).